In the spirit of Clarissa’s post on courting comments, I’ve decided to talk about a subject that’s bound to grab people’s attention: Weddings!
I am an unashamed, total wedding junkie. Yes, you heard that right, this progressive, feminist, egalitarian, queer woman goes gaga for weddings. My mother works in the hospitality industry and has catered more weddings than I can count, I regularly purchase bridal porn magazines (Mainly to draw the dresses and make collages out of the pictures, but they’re fun to read if I need intellectual junk food) and at the solid middle of my search history are websites like Offbeat Bride, Wedding Nouveau, Wedding Chicks, White Orchid Weddings, Weddings in Winnipeg, Etiquette Hell (One of these had to be not like the others!) The Unbride, Pacific Bride Guide, Pacific Weddings, and far too many others. I’ve also, since becoming unemployed, developed an addiction to wedding TV, such as Say Yes To the Dress, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, and Cake Boss (Which is by far the best one because I like cake and it deals with other subjects) I am really hoping the TV thing is temporary.
I’m a bit of a ways off from actually getting married. I promised myself long ago that I would get married only once I had my master’s in my pocket, so another two years away it is. But I still have one hell of a time speculating, and Jaime and I have spent many hours dreaming up a spectacular wedding. Actually, we’ve been dreaming up two weddings, one in Hawaii, and one in Canada, if my linkspam above didn’t give that away.
The Hawaii one would be a simple, private affair, just me, Jaime, the officiant, two witnesses/BFFs, and immediate family. I’m mainly doing this because many people have advised me that it’s prudent to have a simple ceremony before the actual wedding so you don’t get any jitters on the actual big day… And because this means I get to do a nice stealth practical joke on the fact that gender-neutral marriage is not yet a reality in the United States, but since Jaime is legally a man still, we can have a queer wedding right under their noses. Beautiful, isn’t it? My hope is to do the Hawaii wedding in the Galaxy Garden on the Big Island. Being a Star Wars geek, this gives me the ultimate chance to say, “Oh, we got married in a Galaxy Far, Far Away…” After the actual ceremony, I plan on getting burgers and gelato with Jaime and the wedding party and going on a submarine tour. More people should appreciate just how well submarines and weddings go together. It provides a chance to make so many corny jokes about plunging into the depths of marriage together.
The Canadian wedding would be the big one that I would put all of my autistic-who-adores-minute-details-and-loves-to-micromanage love into. This is also the one that Jaime and I have had loads of fun randomly discussing, sometimes just saying “Oh, you know, we need this at our wedding!” We keep a list of these things, and among them are super soakers, Star Trek cufflinks, macarones, and fencing. It may seem weird that Jaime and I would relish a day where we get to be the centre of attention, but really, it’s a day where we get to celebrate another chapter in the book of our lives together, and we get to do it in the presence of so many of our loved ones we never get to see, owing to distance, rate (of plane tickets) and time.
For those who are curious, since Jaime is still legally a man, our marriage will not legally be considered gender-neutral, but we plan on making the ceremony and party itself as gender-neutral and queer friendly as possible. Unfortunately, a lot of relatives who do not know (and we hope don’t find out) about Jaime’s womanhood will be present, so that dashed our dreams of her walking down the aisle in Victoria’s dress and me in Emily’s (we met on a Tim Burton forum, so Corpse Bride is very special to us) But we’re definitely still incorporating elements which reflect our personal style and personalities. I have a great distaste for the rigidity and heteronormativity of the gender binary, so I’m hoping the wedding reflects us, and not this very wrong idea of who we are. How, we’re not quite sure yet. We have some ideas swimming around our heads, but we’ve got 2+ years to work it out. That’s plenty of time. Any suggestions from queer brides or brides-to-be would be welcomed though.
That’s enough for now. I plan on writing more later, as the planning progresses. Try not to get bored.