Jaime’s mother was visiting a week ago, and she was comfortable enough with the idea of her child and me getting married to talk about a future wedding! Yay!
She told me that, if given the choice between having a big wedding and making a down payment on a house, we should go with the down payment. I wholeheartedly agree, and I am hoping to find a way to politely ask our guests if they would object to giving money for a down payment on a house. Jaime would set up maybe a paypal account, bank account, or something similar to receive it. It’s more useful than a wok or a set of champagne flutes.
I’ve been told repeatedly though, that it is considered tacky and brash to ask for that type of gift (money) under any circumstances. Oy vey. I’m trying to do this as delicately as possible, but it’s hard when people’s immediate response is shock and horror.
So to be fair, I am thinking of, when the time comes, still registering for stuff we do need (No woks, damnit!) and then telling people who aren’t nearly as devoted to etiquette who ask that we also have that fund for a house payment set up. That way, the sticklers have the traditional option, but we can still inform people in the least offensive way possible about our true wish.
At the end of the day, when your wedding is going to be largely attended by people who are coming from out of country or across provinces, most of whom will be college-aged students, asking them to carry a bulky present is cruel and unusual punishment in my book. Etiquette should update itself for these circumstances. It’s as frigid and brittle as a lemon pavlova.