Yesterday while in Munro’s Books with Jaime, I saw a book titled Eating Mindfully. As a student of Asian Studies, mindfulness isn’t new to me. I’ve studied it in multiple classes that covered Buddhism, and I’ve independently read many resources which cover mindfulness, from religious accounts to more secular versions.
I never thought to connect eating with mindfulness before, and I was curious about what the book would have to offer. As regular readers probably know by now, I have been battling on again and off again with an eating disorder for about ten years now, and I’ve been working really hard to find a way to bring about a permanent end to my bingeing/purging cycle.
It’s really, really hard. I can’t talk about my history of disordered eating among even trusted friends without having at least one person callously ask me how they can become “Just a little bulimic” so they can lose weight. I’ve had people in my life tell me that my claims of having an eating disorder are “pure baloney” because I’m still fat. It can be a struggle to find sympathetic people who don’t have a load of misconceptions about eating disorders to listen to your story, and for me, I want conversations to be part of the healing process, because being told cruel things about my body and the food I ate was part of what led to my disordered eating.
I didn’t have enough money for the book, but I looked it up online because the concept piqued my interest from the brief scan in Munro’s. It has a website. Here is what I found:
Seven Habits of the Mindful Eater:
6. Able to Let-it-Go
This may be worth exploring as I attempt to make sense of my eating habits and what I can do to bring about a better relationship with my body and food. The language is familiar and comforting to me, and as an autistic person, I think that the way my brain works may adapt nicely to this.
I have an appointment with a doctor and nutritionist on Thursday (Which reminds me of the need to get a BC health card, because this appointment is going to cost me $50 without one, yuck) and I am going to talk to them about a couple of the things on this website and see whether or not the doctors and I can come up with a way to kick this thing once and for all. What I dream of more than anything else is to never again feel guilty for eating something, anything, ever again.