Long-time readers will remember that, about a year ago, I had absolute wedding fever. I wrote plenty of entries on this blog about my wedding ideas and musings, I obsessively browsed websites like Offbeat Bride, and even managed to scare the pants off of one of poor Jaime’s physicist coworkers because I recognized him from a photograph off of Offbeat Bride before I ever actually met him in person. I would spend hours filling scrapbooks with pictures of different dresses, suits, cakes, colour schemes, ketubahs, chuppahs, playlists, make-up palates, and location ideas, dreaming away endless hours about what my wedding would be like.
Now, a year later, I’m absolutely done with weddings, and I haven’t even gotten married yet. My Pinterest account, which used to brim over with mainly bridal-themed ideas, is more devoted to pretty outfits and tasty recipes. I haven’t gone on Offbeat Bride or any other wedding blog in ages, and I misplaced/threw away those scrapbooks during my great schlep out of my old house into my new apartment. So, what happened? Why did I get so turned off of weddings so quickly?
Partially it was overexposure, and partially, it was the classic Leah response: I over-thought them. Signing onto Pinterest every day, I get bombarded with endless pictures of wedding ideas posted by high school acquaintances who are engaged/getting married. As pretty as wedding dresses are, it soon got extremely repetitive, and I grew bored with the same ol’ “Trash the Dress” photo shoots and using mason jars as an alternative to glassware. I had been enamoured with the idea of having an “offbeat” or unique wedding, and I grew more dejected when I realized just how difficult it would be to be truly original without going into a deep amount of debt. I’d rather spend that kind of money on a vacation someplace beautiful and new.
Secondly, relations with my family deteriorated. My mother, grandmother, and aunts* all have strained relationships with me now because I came out of the closet. I originally wanted to get married partially because I wanted to fulfil a dream of my grandmother’s, to see one of her granddaughters get married, but I guess she’s not enamoured with that anymore now that there would be two brides at mine. I had originally envisioned a big wedding, a large gathering of Jaime and I’s families all joining together to enjoy a special day between us. Now, that seems about as likely as getting a scorpion and a lionfish to get together for a tea party with an echidna.
And finally, I moved from the United States to Canada, where the idea of gender-neutral/gay marriage is a non-issue, and the queer/progressive movements consider marriage to be something worth critiquing and deconstructing, rather than something to strive for. Cultural osmosis et al, I started wondering why exactly I needed a ceremony and a piece of paper to legitimize my relationship- the answer is, simply, I don’t, and nobody else does. I think it would be highly desirable to abolish the state’s enshrining of marriage as being somehow the key ticket between a “legitimate” and “illegitimate” relationship which opened the door to tax benefits and financial perks.
Maybe some day I’ll have a wedding. But it’s no longer something which dominates my daily dreaming and no longer really anywhere, except the far periphery, of my thoughts on my relationship with Jaime. I’ll consider it a sign of increased personal growth, since that sounds nicer than becoming more cynical.
* I’m not in contact with any of my living paternal relatives, so this is all maternal side