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For about two months now, I’ve been on OKCupid, hoping to maybe find a love connection, or at least new and interesting people. In the process, I’ve grown quite picky about who I am willing to give my time towards on the website. As such, I’ve developed a (rather flexible) list of things I look for in a person’s profile, must-haves and must-have-nots, if you will, which will influence whether or not I want to message someone. The Must-Haves list consists of traits I find highly desirable and which will make me significantly more likely to message you, the Must-Have-Nots are things which make me much less likely to be interested in you.

Before I list them, I want to point out the obvious: These are just my personal opinions, and I do not think they are the goddamn almighty final word on what’s attractive and what isn’t. If you find any of these to be a problem, then you and I probably wouldn’t hit it off on a date anyways. 🙂 Also, check the tags of this post and find the “humour” one in there.

Must-Haves: I am more likely to message you if: 

1.) You mention or make it clear in some way that you are aware that there are more than two genders.

2.) Your Book list is well-stocked and longer than the list for TV shows, Movies, or Food.

3.) You have a picture of yourself on your profile at a protest that I possibly attended too.

4.) You mention studying something really interesting at university that I’d like to know more about.

5.) You acknowledge the territories on your profile.

6.) You have interests which are nerdy/geeky, but you don’t make that the absolute focal point of your identity.

7.) You have some interesting, original tattoos which seem like they would have a good story behind them.

8.) You make an obscure reference on your profile which I just have to mention in a message at some point.

9.) You have a mismatched rating with me on some questions, but only because you answered it in an interesting way which gave me a new perspective I hadn’t considered on the subject when answering.

10.) You have a nice nose. I have a weakness for strong, straight, somewhat pointy noses.

Must-Have-Nots: I am much less likely to message you if:

1.) You describe yourself anywhere in your profile as “laid back”. That’s nice, but there’s a twofold problem with that- First is that just about everybody puts that in their profile, so it becomes a stupid cliché after a while, and secondly, I am not laid back. I am intense, and proud of my intensity.

2.) You answered “Yes” on the question “Would the world be a better place if people with low IQs were sterilized”. I don’t date Nazis.

3.) You have an extensive book list on your profile, but almost all of the books are ones written by old white males.

4.) You describe yourself as an “intellectual”, and say that you are looking for partners who are not like other people that can’t “carry on an intelligent conversation.”

5.) Related to number four, you are over 18 years old (I hope you are if you’re on OKCupid!) and yet refer to grown women that you would be interested in dating as “girls”, or worse “gals”.

6.) You’re a computer science/engineering/STEM field major who is dismissive of the Humanities as a whole, and like to wave around the amount of money you’re making/will be making as proof that you are superior to them.

7.) You answered “Yes” to the question “Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved”. Obligation to whom? Not to you, that’s for sure.

8.) You are in the exact same pose, making the exact same facial expression, at the exact same angle, in every single picture.

9.) Your favourite food list is limited to stuff that I could find on the menu at Earl’s or Boston Pizza.

10.) You send me a message which is flattering but vague enough to be obviously something cut-and-paste that you sent to plenty of people at once. If I’m not worth your individual attention, you’re not worth a reply.